New Year, New Beginning

I have put off writing this post for ages.  So, let's just jump in, shall we?

I AM FAT

There, I said it.

Over the last two years, I have gained 22 pounds and I am now firmly in the overweight category.  I am very unhappy that I have allowed myself to get to this point.  Of course, I have many excuses for my predicament, but none of them really hold any water.  What it comes down to is a lack of caring and effort on my part.  It's easier to grab a quick meal of garbage food and then sit on my ever-expanding arse.  Much easier than say, eating well, logging my calories and exercising.  

I don't feel good - inside or out.  My knees (one of which has always given me trouble since I dislocated it years ago) are stiff and creaky, my left hip is sore and (ready for TMI?) my monthly cramps are becoming very painful.  All of these maladies are non-existent when I'm at a proper weight.  

On a more vain note, most of my clothing no longer fits - all the beautiful garments that have I sewed over the years sit idle in my closet.  And my desire to sew new outfits has dwindled to almost nothing.  Also, when I look in the mirror, I no longer see the vibrant woman that exists in my mind's eye.  I see an overweight, tired, middle aged woman that has given up.  It ain't pretty.

So, it's time for a change.  

Please don't tell me that I need to love myself more.  Trust me, I love myself - I think I'm pretty darned awesome.  And one of the reasons, I like myself so much is that I have put effort into it.  I have an excellent education that took long hours of sacrifice and study.  I'm great at my job, which takes hard work.  I am a good family member and friend, all of which takes effort.  I am an excellent seamstress and it took years of honing my craft to get to this point.  I love to learn new things and I will leave no stone unturned to develop a new skill.  Do you see the pattern?  All the things I like about my inner self are the result of work, time and effort. 

Also, please leave the "you need to embrace your body as it is" mentality out of this.  I realize that there is a real movement these days to encourage women to love themselves, no matter what size they may be.  And, although the root of the message is empowering, I think it has gone too far.  In fact, the mere suggestion that someone would want to lose weight is often regarded with disdain.  Some people I know even go so far as to inappropriately exclaim that a thin woman "really needs to eat a sandwich."  For some, it has become a fat pack mentality - it's okay for me to be fat, as long as other people are fat too.  Believe me, I have fallen prey to this as well.  Over the past year I have often put off getting back in shape because I would reason that I'm thinner than most people, so I must be doing okay.  What a cop out on my part.
 
Please understand that I have no problems with folks choosing to be fat, nor do I have issues with them loving the body that they have.  My aggravation occurs because of the intimation by some that a desire to lose weight (through healthy eating and exercise) is letting down all of woman kind.  Recently, when discussing my need to lose weight, I was actually told that I shouldn't mention my goal to my students or I could "turn" some of them anorexic.  Um, yeah.

I will not let this daunt me though.  I continuously work hard on my inner self (it's always a work in progress), so it's time start working on my outer self again.  I have a goal, I have a plan and I have the means.  So, it's time to start the hard work.

I wasn't sure whether or not to share this on my blog.  It is deeply personal and I may be opening up myself to comments that will annoy, sadden or anger me.  But, I am more likely to stick to my plan if I put it out into the universe.

And just to keep myself honest, here I am today, heading down to walk on the treadmill in my basement.  I cannot believe I am actually going to share this picture with the world.  But, I am.  Please be gentle.

I am wearing no make up and I haven't fixed my bed-flattened hair. I have not sucked in my stomach or turned to a flattering angle.  I am not wearing clothing designed to camouflage my "trouble spots" and I haven't cropped out the bits I don't like.  This is me, as I am, right now.  A friend told me I was brave to post this photo for the world to see.  (I'm thinking that there is a thin line between bravery and insanity.)  But, I figure if I have a record of where I started, I can stay motivated and encouraged as I watch my progress unfold pictorially over the next few months. 

It's a brand new year, with brand new possibilities.  I refuse to let 2012 go by without at least trying to create a brand new physical version of me. If anyone would like to join me on my journey, I welcome the camaraderie and support.

So, here's to a new year, a new beginning .... and less ass fat.

Finally, Malware Warning Free

Well, I'm back in business - no more stinky malware warnings.  Wahoo!

So, here's what hubby & I believe happened.  A blog I followed seems to have been infected by some nasty bug.  And any blog that linked to it (and was recently scanned by Google's bug detectors) was also flagged as containing or distributing malware.  When I removed this blog from my blog roll, I thought I was in the clear.  But, Google still said I had malware issues.  Then hubby realized that I may have had comments that linked back to this blog.  So, I had to go through my almost 7000 comments to delete any links.  Now, I have the all clear from Google.

Unfortunately, in trying to track down the issue, I lost all my blog formatting - all the custom colours and fonts that I had put together to make my blog look the way it did.  So, for now, I have a different look (not that anyone  that reads in a blog reader would notice :)  ), but at least I'm back up and running.  Halleluiah!

I Spoke too Soon

Hubby still can't figure out why I have this malware warning.  He's still working on it...

Malware

Thank you to the folks that gave me the heads up about the malware message that comes up when trying to enter my blog.  My hubby believes that he has tracked down the issue and now I'm just waiting for the all clear.  What a PITA!

Gilding the Lily

A colleague of mine has a green thumb.  And he employs that green thumb in the pursuit of beautiful daylilies.  Luckily, I was able to finagle an invite to go check out his beautiful gardens a few weeks back.

He hybridizes his own daylilies, in pursuit of certain characteristics, like ruffle-edged petals or an intense chartreuse eye.

While visiting, I took about a million and twelve pictures.  I thought I'd share a few of my favourites.  Enjoy!

To say that his lilies are breathtaking is an understatement. I was lucky enough to secure several plants for my garden at the new house. 

Happy Birthday, Hartley!

My little man turned two years old a couple of days ago.

Not only did Grandma (who he adores with a burning passion) come over, she brought presents.  His favourite was a duck.

He got lots of nibbles from Grandma's lunch plate.  He also went on a walk, during which he chased grasshoppers and tried to eat toad jerky.*  This made for a blissful day - tiring, but blissful.

*Toad jerky = dried up toads that got squished on our road.  I think it's disgusting, but he is always trying to eat them up.  He can often be seen with a pair of legs dangling from his mouth. I know, eww.  Any body else have a toad jerky lover in their family?  Or is there another tasty treat that your dog, cat or other critter loves to snag, regardless of your distaste?

Evolution of a Sewing Room - Part 6

Since moving in to the new house, I have been working diligently at putting my sewing room together.  I love to organize, so this has been super fun for me.  I even have things to the point that sewing has commenced - I have already turned out a dress, two pairs of work pants and several pairs of exercise pants.  I'm a mad woman!
 
Today we will take a gander at my cutting table that doubles as a pattern and notion storage cabinet.  Originally, I was going to cobble together a few old bookcases and a piece of plywood to act as a cutting table in my sewing room.  However, hubby said (and I quote),

"Why don't you design something and the cabinet maker can build it?"  

Hmm, let me think about that for a min---...wahoo, new sewing cabinet, here I come...

So, I sat down with my trusty graph paper and a pencil and got to work on a viable design.  I wanted an ample cutting surface - enough room for a long length of 60" fabric to rest nicely on top.  I ended up with a 3'3" x 8'4" (39" x 100") laminate counter top that has rocked my world so far.  Ah, the joy of having enough room to cut out a complete pattern in one go.  I used to use the pennisula in the kitchen of our old house and it was too tiny to be really useful.  I had to cut out pattern pieces in sections, while trying to keep the fabric from falling off the edge.  Can you say PITA?

I also wanted storage for all my patterns.  I have a ton of mainstream patterns: BMV, Simplicity and New Look.  As well, I have a large assortment of independent designers, including Loes Hinse, Textile Studios, Jalie and Kwik Sew, among others.  In addition to my envelope pattern collection, I have several years of Burda magazine, a few Ottobre Woman and several Japanese pattern books.  Finally, I have a large collection of vintage patterns (mainly spanning the 50s, 60s and 70s).  So, obviously I needed a few good sized, deep drawers.  I ended up with 6 drawers on one side of the unit and 3 drawers on the other side, for a total of 9 deep drawers, each with inside dimensions (length, width, depth) of 29" x 14 3/8" x 12".  These 12" deep drawers accommodate any size pattern, including my Burda mags standing up in holders.

My last desire was for easy to access notion storage - elastic, zippers, buttons, trims, etc.  I have 6 drawers on one side of the unit - each drawer measures 29" x 4 5/8" x 14 3/8".

I even have a drawer for UFOs (although I purged most of my UFOs for the move, I did hang on to a few of them - now, I just need to complete the little rotters) and patterns that are next up on the docket.

The cabinet maker did an amazing job turning my design into reality.  I could not be more pleased with the resulting cutting table unit. It is highly functional and it is also a gorgeous piece of furniture.  Le sigh...

Home, Sweet Home

We survived the move (although it was pretty touch and go at times) and I'm here to prove it.  The boxes are all mostly unpacked, the house is organized and the decorating has commenced.

And just to prove that we are now new home owners, within a brand new community, I will regale you with pictures of our first trip to the mail box:

Here we are starting the adventure.  The air is thick with excitement. Hartley is straining with anticipation!

So much anticipation, in fact, that it excited the pee out of him.  Must stop for bathroom break...

Fully relieved and more committed than ever, the odyssey continues...

Finally, we reach our destination.  Hartley is obviously overwhelmed by the immensity of the moment.

Let's take a look-see inside...

And what is my fabulous postal bounty, you may ask?  Stinkin' bills! 

A well earned rest after a job well done...