20 June 2010

Heart Break

I have put off writing this post for many days now because I needed to find the strength.

Two weeks ago I felt two lumps in Simon's throat.  As I made the vet appointment, I tried to convince myself that it was going to be fine, that it was an infection or a side effect of his Cushing's meds.  But, deep down I knew that it was bad - horribly bad.

Simon has lymphoma (cancer of the lymph nodes) and although I caught it early, it is still a fatal diagnosis.  Most dogs can undergo chemotherapy to extend their lives by 6-12 months, but Simon has other issues.  With his advanced age (he is almost 14) and the Cushing's disease, the vet was unsure of how the chemo (or other treatments) would affect him.

So, I made the call not to treat him.  I just couldn't put him through any more testing and medicating.  I want his last few weeks to be calm and peaceful.

Right now, he sleeps much more than normal and he is slowing down considerably.  However, he is still eating heartily and demanding his daily morning walk. He still smiles at me and does a little dance when I give him treats. 

I'm still trying to come to grips with all of this.  I alternate between sobbing and trying to remain philosophical.

Unfortunately, I know the inevitable decision is coming.

But for now, I just want to pack as much love and joy into Simon's last few weeks as I can.  My sweet boy deserves no less.