It Was Time

Yesterday I wrote the post below the asterisks and didn't get a chance to publish it.  Reading it makes me realize how much your life can change in a few short hours.  This morning Simon took a turn for the worse.  He was extremely lethargic and had a hard time moving around.  He was uninterested in his breakfast until I practically forced it on him.  His breathing was very shallow and he looked tired of fighting.  So, we made the call.  It was time to let him go.  My heart hurts and I hate how quiet the house feels.  But, we did right by him and that makes it slightly more bearable.  If you have a pet, please go hug him or her - I know Simon would like that.

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I want to start out by thanking everyone that has passed along a kind word or thought in my direction.  I appreciated every comment and every email that has been sent to me.  The words of understanding and empathy have been so comforting.

Simon has his good days and his bad.  He sleeps almost all day every day, only getting up for extended periods of time to eat and go for his short morning walk (both of which he still really enjoys).  The flashes of his mischievous, spunky personality are coming fewer and farther between lately.  Some days he is more feisty than others, but he is winding down. 

I keep reminding myself that his is a little old man (72 in human years if you believe the accepted conversion charts) and that he is fighting a losing battle.  I tell myself that he has had a splendid life.  He has always been surrounded by people that love him and he has had wonderful adventures.  He always had the softest beds, the tastiest foods and the squeakiest toys.

But its hard to see him faltering.  I keep asking myself how I will know it's time to say goodbye.  And I'm always torn between what's right for him and what's right for me.  I couldn't bear letting him linger beyond what is humane and loving, just so I can have one less moment of grief after his loss.  So, as of now, I have decided that when he loses the ability to enjoy his two greatest loves, eating and walking, it will be time.  I just hope I have the strength of will to be so selfless when the time comes.