I miss toenails clicking on the hardwood floor. I miss the intricate dance we would do in the kitchen when I was cooking. I miss the nose poking through the open door when I arrive home from errands. I miss having a pre-rinse cycle for plates going in the dishwasher. I miss the smell of fur.
I knew when Simon died there would be a lot of big sorrows - the obvious indications of a family member missing. Not being pestered to get out the door for a daily walk, not having a warm body to snuggle on the couch, not having the responsibility of caring for him. What I didn't expect was all the little things. Those have hit me the hardest. I think the most difficult moment I have had so far was finding a single paw print embossed into the seat of his favourite chair. That small impression was an overwhelming reminder of what has been lost.
So, I have been trying to focus on the happy times. I have almost fourteen years of memories that bring to mind love, laughter and wonderment. From his first joyous romp in the snow as a pup to his disdain for squirrels to the howls he would elicit whenever I shouted "Release the hounds!" Simon was the master of manipulation with those soulful hound eyes - just try refusing him a bit of food off of your plate. He was comic relief - picture him booting around the house with my husband's underwear in his mouth, growling and shaking for all he's worth if you try to approach him. He was a big sissy - he spent every storm tucked up against my chest despite many attempts to desensitize him to thunder.
Despite the pain I'm in now, I wouldn't make it go away if it meant never knowing him. I was privileged to be his Mommy and I am a better person for having known Simon. I'll leave you with a very short video that makes me smile every time I see it.