I miss toenails clicking on the hardwood floor. I miss the intricate dance we would do in the kitchen when I was cooking. I miss the nose poking through the open door when I arrive home from errands. I miss having a pre-rinse cycle for plates going in the dishwasher. I miss the smell of fur.
I knew when Simon died there would be a lot of big sorrows - the obvious indications of a family member missing. Not being pestered to get out the door for a daily walk, not having a warm body to snuggle on the couch, not having the responsibility of caring for him. What I didn't expect was all the little things. Those have hit me the hardest. I think the most difficult moment I have had so far was finding a single paw print embossed into the seat of his favourite chair. That small impression was an overwhelming reminder of what has been lost.
So, I have been trying to focus on the happy times. I have almost fourteen years of memories that bring to mind love, laughter and wonderment. From his first joyous romp in the snow as a pup to his disdain for squirrels to the howls he would elicit whenever I shouted "Release the hounds!" Simon was the master of manipulation with those soulful hound eyes - just try refusing him a bit of food off of your plate. He was comic relief - picture him booting around the house with my husband's underwear in his mouth, growling and shaking for all he's worth if you try to approach him. He was a big sissy - he spent every storm tucked up against my chest despite many attempts to desensitize him to thunder.
Despite the pain I'm in now, I wouldn't make it go away if it meant never knowing him. I was privileged to be his Mommy and I am a better person for having known Simon. I'll leave you with a very short video that makes me smile every time I see it.
36 comments:
Love the video. You're right, better to have had than not. Still, it's tough. I too like the click-clack of the toenails on the hardwood floor- I know what they're up to;)
What a lovely post. It's been several years, but I still miss the thump thump thump of a tail hitting the floor when we came into the room. Loss is hard, but I wouldn't give up the happy moments for anything.
Love the puppy toes video Shannon! What a great memory...makes me want to go home and video my furbabies! Hugs to you!
they have the ability of making you smile even when they are not here anymore,isn't it? didn't they come to our lives just for this? I'm so sorry for your loss, the worst are the first 2 weeks, then you can control easier the need of crying everywhere, and after that the warm sensation of the love received comes back to stay forever.
Big hugs and kisses.
I'm so sorry. I'm thankful I have Beau, Abby & Lucy to help me through. This morning I stood at the top of the stairs waiting to hear his bark.
But you are right, we are much better for knowing them. Hugs to you. g
You are so right about it being the little things that get to you. They sneak up on me too. Thinking about all the good times you had and what a great life he had with you is the only thing to do. He enriched your life while he was with you.
The little things do pierce your heart the deepest. I lost my oldest cat, Dottie, last month. She snored :) ...and I miss her so much....
Simon rests well knowing how he is still held so tightly in your heart.
We're going through this right now b/c we just lost our 9 year old kitty. I know we were truly blessed to have her in our lives but right now I feel like I have a hole in my heart :(
I keep telling myself to focus on how lucky we all were to enjoy each other's company for the time we had.
The problem with losing a pet is that it's a direct hit in the home life. You're just trying to vacuum, and there's a whisker..
Whenever it happens, I always feel like a house without a furry body is like a cheap motel - may be decently kept, but totally lacking in warmth..
I have been in the same position with too many pets, dog and cat. You won't get over him, but you will move on. You did the right thing for him up to the very end.
I can't see the video on my computer (I'm not sure why) but I loved your post. Concentrate on the happy times you had with Simon and smile at all the happy memories! I know exactly how you feel and about the little things you're missing - they are the hardest.
It's a hard time, I know. The joy of finding a trace and the pain of it.
A big hug to you.
It'll be hard not to have him for a while, but it gets better. Great love, great loss. But it's worth it to have them with us for a while.
Oh, the last two posts were really hard to read, even tho I have known they were coming. I hope you're doing OK and know that I"m hugging you from Oklahoma!
I think of you and Simon every day. Plant a tree for him and watch it grow. Sending love and hugs from Molly and me.
It is the little things, isn't it? I'm so glad that you have things like this video to remember Simon along with the imprint he made on your heart. I'm sure he's smiling right along with you. {{{HUGS}}}.
That is a sweet video...love the puppy paws...and makes me realize I have no videos of my Bradley. I have to change that. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing that wonderful video of the puppy toes. So sweet. But drat, I teared up knowing how hard this has been for you. I was remembering how hard it was when I had to let my Brandi go and knowing at some point in the future I'll have to do it again with Sophia and Abby. Simon really was a sweetie! - and yes, it's the little things that you miss but that will bring the best memories in the future. Hugs, hugs, hugs as you go through this tough time.
My heart goes out to you. It's clear you really loved him. Simon was lucky to have had you as his mom.
What a pleasure to see a video of Simon in motion! Thank you for sharing it with us. I'm thinking good thoughts for you in your time of grief.
You'll never lose Simon completely - you have 14 years of memories and you'll never get him out of the furniture or the carpets. I still find hair from cats long past and it makes me smile and think of them.
I took my Lily to the vet ER last night and was basically told I was being hysterical and there was nothing wrong with her. So I'm taking her to the regular vet tomorrow because I know what I feel and she's the center of the house and the heart of my sewing room, and I need to make sure she's okay.
Best to you. You made me tear up with the part about his paw print.
I am so very sorry..
k
{{hugs}}
Thanks for the post and video. We still tear up thinking of our "Lizzy" and it's been years. He had a great life-and you are to thank for that!
So sorry to hear about Simon and totally understand. Our Darla left us in May 2010 and still missing her, she was in our life for 17 years. I pass her urn & picture every nite to turn on the nightlite and find myself saying goodnight at the end of each day.
A lovely video. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you as well for sharing Simon with us.
What a wonderful homage to a truly fantastic furr baby.
What I most remember when we lost our dogs was the silence. It felt so complete.
Even though we still have cats, the dogs just generated so much more spirit in the house. Now we have cats and kittens, and well, the kittens are stocking up the household energy just fine.
What a lovely video of him. Try to take comfort in that he loved you so much and couldn't have wished for a better 'mom' than you. Shed tears of laughter as well as sorrow - he'll always be a part of your life just as much as you were always a part of his!! Take care and big hugs.
How wonderful to have that video to look at from time to time! I would love to have some videos of my long gone, faithful doggie friends. With my last dog, Lily, the thing that was hardest was coming home and not having her at the front door when I walked in. It takes some time to recover, but the memories are good.
You sound like you're doing well. When I lost my 20-yr-old cat, I remember feeling silly looking behind me before I left the kitchen sink - he wasn't there to trip over anymore. And, when we lost our last dog, I still was careful getting out of bed so I wouldn't step on him. Eventually -you won't realize when - you won't notice that stuff anymore.
I'm so sorry. It's so hard to let go of our four footed family. :(
~Sarah B
That is a lovely video. Thankyou for putting it here. It made me smile too.
I know how it feels when we lose a great companion... He will always be remembered as the great loving friend he was.
I am so sorry for your loss, Shannon. Simon was a good and loyal friend, and I hurt for your missing him.
I've been away for a couple of months and didn't realize your little guy had died. I actually cried when I read this. Pets provide so much enjoyment while they are with us and their love is so unconditional. But damn! Letting them go is so hard!
i'm very sorry to hear about simon and i can unfortunately relate all too well right now. two weeks ago we had to put my harley kitty to sleep, it was pretty sudden, and i hate that my freshest memories of him are in his worst hour. it's very hard but must keep thinking back on better times and know we gave them sooo much love and a happy life. i wish you much joy with hartley, our pets truly are the greatest things in the world.
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